Deep Thought

I’ve been thinking about how I try to help others by trying to encourage positivity. This skill was not one I was born with. It was one I acquired through life experiences and great friendships. I know that not everyone or every situation requires that kind of advice but I think, at times, maybe that’s the only way I can help.

I do want to break some things down though because I know that lots of people who teach about positivity or kindness even, don’t provide that sense of authenticity. I mean, I remember hearing and reading lots of  movies or books on positivity and aspiring to live my daily life as a super positive person but then feeling like crap if I woke up one day feeling blah. Or if I got aggravated by something the kids were doing and I yelled at them. Or if I was seeing the silver lining around a particular situation and then let it bring me down. I almost felt like I was failing at being positive. I was upset at myself for having natural feelings.

What I think a lot of people don’t tell you is that it’s ok to have a breakdown every once and awhile. There are times that I feel bad for feeling or acting a certain way but then I remind myself that it’s ok, these feelings are normal and my meltdowns are just a component of who I am but they are not here to dominate me, they’re here to allow me to express myself in any way I see fit. So I guess what I’m saying is that positive thinking should be incorporated into everyone’s life as a bonus and as a way to help us get through any tough times but it’s not meant for us to be slaves to it either.

I’m going through a very tough time right now and though I am positive my situation will improve it doesn’t stop me from worrying a little. It’s actually kind of confusing sometimes, knowing that everything is going to work out yet worrying about the “what if it doesn’t?” part. Well I’m rambling on again but I really needed to let these thoughts out of my head and maybe now that their out of there I can worry a little less.

Thanks for reading.


My 1st Love

In past posts I may have mentioned that I am a Certified Clinical Research Coordinator; that’s my official title. I have been a medical assistant for 10 years with 6 of those years being dedicated to research. Research was my 1st love. The first company that I worked for gave me a wealth of knowledge. I was immaculately trained by 2 awesome women who have gained my full respect. I felt like I was in control and could handle any position in research, I was the research superwoman!

My thoughts on research now: After moving 200 miles away from my first research site, I have been able to experience several other sites. I have officially fallen out of love with research. I have seen so much dirty research that I just can’t stand it anymore. I was originally getting into the nursing program at my college so that I can advance my career in research and was dabbling with the idea of possibly becoming a pharmacist and help with the creation of new medications to help people. After the experiences I’ve had, I’m sadly giving up on it. It feels like a break up with heartache and all. I have many fond memories of the years that I had in research but that’s all over now, things have changed drastically.

If its meant to be, maybe one day, should there be a reputable company worthy of sharing my knowledge with, maybe my love can be rekindled but for now I will lament with all of my other research soldiers who have been let down.

Anybody out in the blogging world have any similar experiences?


My 1st Experience

Ok so I have to share my geeky moment because it made me sooooo excited! I was at the library with my BFF and her two daughters looking for some DVDs and usually whenever I’m with them I practice my signing because they are all genuinely interested in learning with me. So as I was signing I noticed this man watching me and I just figured that he was wondering what the heck I was doing or saying, however, he looked at me and asked me, in ASL, if I was Deaf.

At that moment I felt like screaming out, “No, but please talk to me/sign with me!” because I was so elated but then that wouldn’t have been a good idea for 2 reasons: 1 He’s Deaf and wouldn’t have heard me and 2 I was in the library and probably would’ve gotten kicked out. So I kept my composure and was able to have a conversation with him. I’m glad that the ridiculous grin, that I must have had on my face, didn’t scare him away but was very excited about telling him about me learning ASL and my wanting to become an interpreter for the Deaf.

It was a very nice experience; yet another one that I called into existence because I did want to be able to communicate directly with a Deaf person and it happened! This is the first conversation I’ve had with an actual Deaf person after starting my ASL class and I can’t wait to be fully certified but do look forward to the learning experience of it all.

My New Love

I had to add this last post before hitting the hay. I just got home from my first Intro to Humanities class and I’ve fallen in love, yet again, with one of my classes. The professor described this class as “the history of art.” My ears perked up like my son’s lab whenever his name is called.

I knew this class was going to be different when walking in we only heard old-time rock blazing. Afterwards, the professor went on to introduce himself and give us a little background on his history with Humanities. We also got the usual spiel about what our assignments would be, grading, attendance, etc.

He showed us a few videos featuring “the world’s greatest educator” James Burke in which he describes our society’s dependence on technology and how our world would come to a screeching halt without it. In this video he describes the importance of the plow which was invented by the Egyptians. He continued to blow us away by all of the inventions that followed this discovery.

As intrigued as I was by all of the above, the part that captured my attention the most brought me back to thinking about something I mentioned in my posting this morning about The Law of Attraction. To give you a little background about my desires, if you haven’t read them or know me personally, I want to be a writer. I mean I am a writer, however, I want to improve my writing skills and one of the exercises the professor gave us is intended to work on our proofreading skills and improve our writing! When I read that line in our syllabus I was thinking, “this is what I asked for and here it is!” Ask and you shall receive. Indeed.

So I look forward to learning as much as I can and maybe sharing some with my readers as I go along.

Any particular classes or experiences move you lately?

Reset on Life

Good morning! I feel as if my life’s reset button has been pushed. I feel fully rejuvenated and refreshed today. I feel like I can conquer the world and all of my dreams have come true. It feels like if someone were to look upon my face today, I would look absolutely radiant and glowing.

Not sure what happened and I can’t really explain it but I just have a great feeling about today and know that great things are coming.

After my melt down over the pancakes yesterday, I felt like I needed some inspiration, something to bring back my natural umph. So I went to the library and started searching for a book/dvd that impacted me significantly a few years ago. That book/dvd is called The Secret. I am a firm believer in the law of attraction so I knew that getting some more of those positive images and thoughts in my mind would change my situation.

I didn’t find it at the library but with all of my intention and focus I said to myself, “It’s not here but I will find it or it will find me.” I knew, that I knew, that I knew it was coming to me. I just sent out that intention and went on about my day. So not much happened for the rest of the day. I went to class last night and my mood started to improve as is the usual case whenever I’m in school (I often say that I’m addicted to academia) and when I got home I had dinner, taught the kids some of the new signs I had learned, etc, etc.

Later on in the evening I noticed my kids were watching a movie on Netflix and it was just coming to an end so they asked me if we could watch a movie together. They gave me control over it so that I could choose for us. After flicking for what seemed like an eternity, guess what movie happened to be available to watch instantly? You got it! The Secret. I screamed out so loud and so fast that my kids looked at me like I was purple with ten heads as my dear friend Christine would have put it.

They didn’t want to see it with me but at that point I didn’t care because I felt like my mission was accomplished. I had attracted this movie to me!

Just to give you a little background, periodically I test myself on the power of my mind by strongly intending something and it always works. Somehow though I allow myself to get so caught up in my surroundings that I forget about that power. Today I will be focusing strongly on remaining positive and sending my intentions out for the life that I am choosing. I will go about my day knowing that it will all come to me and will work on helping anyone who needs an encouragement boost today.

I love how powerful my mind is and how I’ve come back to this point in time and reminded myself about this power. I’m here also to remind you of the power that you have. You are all-powerful beings. Use that power to shape your life however you want it to be. This is not a joke, a myth or just crazy talk. This is REAL. You don’t have to take my word for it, just try it! You won’t lose anything by putting all of your efforts into thinking positive. Try it for at least today and see what happens!

Many blessings to you all today!

Just Take It Easy

Good morning. I am writing today from my dirty dining room table (as a result from last night’s dessert – chocolate cake). It’s been raining for 2 days straight and I think I may be suffering from a bit of cabin fever. Don’t get me wrong, I love rainy days, I think they provide a serene setting for many an inspired session. However, the scene changes completely when it’s summer vacation and you’re stuck inside the house with 4 bored children, a hyperactive lab and an indifferent cat!

I checked my email this morning as I normally do and received one of many inspirational newsletters. I typically do this every morning and use it as a shield for my day to come. These inspirational tidbits usually give my mornings the jolt I need to stay positive and productive throughout my day; today, however, something different occurred.

After reading the inspirational newsletter there was a video attached promising to increase my income in X amount of time. So being that I am currently unemployed and seeking a way to earn some income online (because I am convinced that it can be done) I checked out the video. The video was very intriguing and sowed a seed of possibilities in my mind.

The video was explaining how to create an e-book in a few “simple” steps. I have had this desire to write lately so this definitely piqued my interest. Well after about an hour and a half of research, several YouTube videos, a gazillion rain drops and seemingly a bazillion (hopefully that’s more than a gazillion) “Mom!! What’s for breakfasts?!” I am suffering from a brain overload.

I know what I want for my life and the life of my kids. I want to teach them that you can achieve anything you want if you set your mind to it. I don’t want them to fall for the lies that have been implanted into our minds about how hard life is. Life is only as hard as you make it to be. I don’t deny that there are difficulties that we might endure (trust me I know about some) but life goes on, should you choose it to do so.

I realize that sometimes when I’m pushing too hard to make things happen, these “things” come to a grinding halt and although I know what to do, fear stops me from doing it. From deep within myself I know that I should just stay calm, take it easy for a bit, maybe pray or meditate for a little bit, then get back to working on my goal once I’m rejuvenated. It’s easier said than done at times because as soon as I want to step away my mind screams, “Noooooo! You have to work hard and search and search and search until you find an answer. You must find a way to support yourself and your children. You must find a way to generate an income without working 80 hours a week and never seeing your family. You must, you must, you MUST!!!!”

Then there’s that wee little voice again that says, “Sometimes you allow your thoughts to take over and therefore you can’t hear or see the answer right in front of you. I guarantee that stepping away for a moment will not completely undo any work you may have already done or squash any ideas you may have.

Just take it easy for a spell.” This post may be more for me than for anyone else.

Thanks for reading. Now off to make pancakes I go.

Another Quick One

I know I said that my last post would be the last of the night, however, I’ve just finished reading the last book of the Fifty Shades of Grey series and thought that it wouldn’t hurt to do a quick review.

I must admit that I was very curious about all of the hype this book was getting when I noticed the over abundance of references to this book on Facebook. So of course what do I do? I got a copy and read it duh!

So as you all may know by now these books are classified under the category of erotic fiction and for good reason. They contain very explicit, detailed encounters of the BDSM kind. At this point there are two types of readers out there when it comes to this and heck I guess all books. You either love it or hate it. I’ve read a few reviews and mainly I’ve only noticed the negative ones. Some reviews say that they ignite lust in women when it shouldn’t, so in other words its another form of adultery? Some say its too violent – as opposed to what? Our G rated, never ruffling any feathers TV shows?

Well here’s my opinion: I was very entertained by these 3 books and as I’ve mentioned in conversations with friends, I believe that the attraction has less to do with the BDSM part as it does with the underlying love story. Face it people, most women want to be the one to say that they were able to fix up their screwed up man by sticking by him and helping him get over his issues. It just happened to be that she chose to help him via kinky fun. Sound like a fantasy? That’s because it is people!! Geez!

I know that the reason I read fiction is to get away from the reality that I’m living. Fiction takes me places and transforms my surroundings for a period of time. This book is for adults and as adults we should be able to make our own minds up on whether or not read these. It really doesn’t matter how outraged or appalled people are about it, it doesn’t change the fact that E.L. James hit a home run for some women (and men) and is making tons of money from it.

By the way naysayers, there is nothing wrong with people who have different sexual lifestyles! Those are private moments and people should feel free to express themselves sexually as they see fit….js.