It’s not that I lack a best friend (or journal for that matter) but I can’t always talk to her the way I’d like to.
She’s a great listener and always gives good advice. She always provides a shoulder to cry on (if need be) and is almost always available. So what’s the problem?
The problem is that I am supposed to be this strong woman with an impenetrable spirit. I am supposed to be the beacon for others because so many others are depending on me. As I write this it sounds pretty silly and I do understand the benefits of just falling apart every once and awhile but….
I don’t know if it’s my nature or if it’s some seed that’s been sown in me during my childhood but at times I feel like the following lyric by Superchic(k):
Yea, kinda like that. How can I tell my children, my mother, my best friend and my readers to stay positive and know that all things work out if I’m crying? I truly, honestly, wholeheartedly believe that everything will work out for me and my kids but to tell you the truth it doesn’t stop me from being (Oh, God I’m gonna say it) SCARED.
Ok folks, I let it out. I’m scared. As I type each letter I fight back tears. I decided to go to the library just to get away for a few minutes, therefore I cannot start bawling in the middle of the library.
Am I going crazy? How can I say I know that everything is going to be ok amidst my tears and turbulent mind thoughts?
Ok, NO. I am not crazy, I am normal (despite me talking/writing to myself right now)
So I’m going to take a deep breath, walk to my car, maybe cry a little, then go back home to the kids and try to forget about all of my worries because I know I am in control of my life and….things WILL work out!
Thanks again for listening to my babbling. It’s very much appreciated 🙂